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Your Mom Is Wonder Woman With A Lightsaber
May 7, 2021 – The fifteenth official Friday Night BeerBlog
I’m not a fan of the made-up national “days”. For instance, it’s May 7th, National No Pants Day. What the hell is that? Today is no different from any other day since the pandemic started. It has been National No Pants Day since March 15th, 2020.
So how do you feel about the Hallmark holidays? These are the days that were created for primarily commercial purposes that don’t celebrate any real historical significance. They include: National Son or Daughter Day, Sweetest Day, Boss’s Day, and Administrative Professional’s Day (formerly Secretary’s Day). But also include Father’s Day and the one that is upon us, Mother’s Day.
Does anybody really send a card for Boss’s day? God, I hope not. While that feels totally made up, I can understand the idea behind Father’s Day and Mother’s Day. A day dedicated and used to ease our guilt for not showing much appreciation for this parent in the last 364 days. Dad deserves one day. Mom deserves one day. Too much?
Before I go on, let me note here that fathers definitely have very important jobs that should never be overlooked, but this is my blog and I’m talking about mothers from this point forward. Warning: It might not be all pretty. And don’t tell me your kids are perfect. Cause you’d be a liar.
Mother’s Day can suck if you’re waiting on other people to recognize you. Let’s be honest, young and teenage kids are usually only reminded of Mother’s Day when they are forced to sign grandma’s card. Your college and twenty something offspring may be too wrapped up in their own drama to imagine that you ever need anything from them. And your spouse? They might throw you a little love because you agreed to sleep with them in the first place, but I’ve heard this line, “You’re not my mother.”
These people. Your fam-damly. Sometimes it feels like they don’t see you, the real you, because all they see is your alter ego, Wonder Woman with a Lightsaber. And Wonder Woman is a super hero. And super heroes don’t need all that mushy Mother’s Day stuff that mere mortals need.
Moms have been the figurehead keeping the World turning for their families for years. Children (they) have never wanted for anything and have come to expect that this woman will sacrifice everything to make sure their needs are met. They never have to tell her “I Love You” just because. She already knows. And when they call to whine about something or to ask for money, doesn’t she hear how much they love her in their complaining tone?
And no, mom doesn’t need them to respond to her texts or call her back; if they did that she’d think something was wrong. Why do that to her? And why set reminders when mom is there to make sure they call grandma on her birthday? She’s so great at making sure that meals are available and the laundry is clean that someone should really give her a raise. Never mind how fast she’ll use that lightsaber to cut someone down when they’ve been wronged. And she’ll do it no questioned asked.
Why does mom worry so much about who they hang out with? Don’t she know they only want her to care when it’s convenient for them. Scheduling their own dentist appointment? Isn’t that her job? Sure she drove them hours upon hours to sporting events, school events, and then waited in the car until they were done, just to be ignored while they rolled through Snapchat, but she enjoyed all of that. They are sure of it.
Why did my own mom get so upset when I cut her head out of a bunch of photos to make a montage of her, for her? How was I supposed to know that she wasn’t in very many photos because she always took them all? Wow, talk about sensitive! She didn’t even think it was funny when Cathy and I made fun of the way she said “Shoney’s” all the time. Absolutely no sense of humor at all!
And my own family didn’t understand my disgust one year when they gave me a bag of the now defunct WOW Chips (on which the actual bag says “causes anal leakage”) and told me that when you turn it upside down that it spells MOM. Ahhh, good times.
Let’s face it. Children can really suck at this Hallmark holiday until they have children of their own – literally or figuratively. Including me. Including you. My own mother recently told me that she really didn’t hear much from me in all of my twenties. After all of the drama of my entire childhood and years of her love and guidance, I became scarce. For years. I don’t have memories of that, but I’m not surprised. Sink or swim is the twenties rite of passage. And in order to learn how to be themselves, they have to separate from their mommies.
But they’ll be back. Eventually after all of the years of being their Wonder Woman with a Lightsaber, mom starts to become just that. Mom. And we realize how special she is and that we can’t imagine life without her someday. We just hope that she knows that. Wait, Mother’s Day is on Sunday. I’ll tell her then.
Nope. Don’t wait. Tell her every day how special she is. She is the reason you are alive. So be thankful you selfish little brat! Tell that woman you “see her” and that you LOVE HER!
I’ve read that outside of Christmas, Mother’s Day is the largest gift-giving day of the year. Mom needs a gift to ease your guilt. No, Mom need to treat herself with no self-guilt and then get a hug from you. She needs for you to treat every day like Wonder Woman with a Lightsaber Day. I mean Mother’s Day.
Happy Mother’s Day to every woman out there. I don’t care if you’ve given birth or not, if you are a woman you have mothered someone or something in your life. A special hug to those of you who have lost your mother. She loved you in life and I guarantee she loves you in death.
Much love to my own mom and I’m sorry for being a shit sometimes. And to my own children, I love you and forgive you for being real shits sometimes. And Mike, remember on Father’s Day that “I’m not your father.”
Thank you for reading! If you would like to listen to Mike and I read and expel on Mother’s Day, please listen at the following link for The New Old You: