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What Is Relationship “Popcorning” And Am I Guilty?
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What Is Relationship “Popcorning” And Am I Guilty? | FNBB 74
None of us like to admit that we might be the cause of any kind of tension between ourselves and our husbands. Because they are always to blame when something isn’t going right, right? I mean they ARE men, which is synonymous with “clueless on all things woman”. When I talk to friends about their relationships, the fallback question is always, “What did he do now?”
This feels like a set up, doesn’t it. Let’s get something straight. This blog is not in any way a slam against women. I am a woman. And I LOVE being a woman. We’re all pretty awesome. So complex, confusing, powerful, yet empathetic. We are able to work our day job, make sure our family is fed, keep the calendars of everyone in the house, make the social and vacation plans, stay aware of where are parents are mentally and physically.
We have this unique ability to take in all of the input of many people and several situations at once. It’s a gift born out of being female. And as it should be, although we spend most of our waking hours serving all of those around us, we secretly believe that we belong at the center of attention. Hence the saying “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”
Because we are born with the ability to multi-task at an amazing level, we don’t have a lot of patience for those that don’t have that ability. In other words, men. I had Relationship Expert Laurie Gerber on the podcast a few weeks ago and we talked about the phenonenon of what she calls “popcorning” on our relationships.
As she said, we welcome people coming to us, even when we’re busy, because we’re able to process all of the requests at once. But we have to realize that men, even our men, as a rule, aren’t like that. And now, especially since a lot of us are working at home, side by side every day, we POP up at our partner’s desk when we have a thought – POP – and expect them to drop what they are doing – POP – to pay attention to us and our question – POP – or request – POP – or observation. POP!
And when they can’t change gears that quickly and get irritated with us, we get offended, pissed off, or sad because we think they don’t care or don’t see us. What we have to remember is that this is a normal thing and occurrence for us, but something they just aren’t equipped to handle.
When Mike and I were both going into the office, this wasn’t really a thing for us. But now that we are in the house together all day, every day, it’s a thing. And I am totally guilty of it. I show up at Mike’s desk needing to tell him something like right now while he is working and sometimes on a call. Whereas I am able to pause my thought process when he does this to me and then easily return to my work, he isn’t and I see this look cross his face with that failing attempt to switch his attention to me.
It’s an ugly look and I have started to recognize it right away. And while sometimes I get hurt that he doesn’t want in on my golden nugget of a story or thought right away, I realize it is just a male deficient that he isn’t able to overcome. Seriously, I have had to really stop myself mid-interruption to reflect and ask myself if this is just something I can save for later. And then I have to write it down because sometimes it just isn’t as important later.
As usual I think it is super important to be aware when you are doing it. This is hard. I am not going to lie. Sometimes you are aware and do it anyway. And that is my admission.
According to Laurie, the best way to “fix” popcorning is to make sure that you schedule in “dedicated attention” in your day with your partner. Morning, Night, or Both. If you know that you will have 15-30 minutes of dedicated attention time to connect and tell all the stories and talk about all the things, then you’ll be much less likely to popcorn during the day.
And if you can avoid popcorning, you’ll feel less ignored and hurt and your husband will be less irritated with you. It really is a mutual respect thing. Let’s get this straight; Of course you are still the center of the universe, you just need to wait for the right moments to play that out.
Women are just amazing. We can’t help it. Men just need our help to catch up.
If you missed Episode 72 with Laurie Gerber – catch it here:
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