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You’re a Savage. Classy. Bougie. Ratchet. | FNBB 8
I debated on a podcast version of this topic because it is primarily aimed at my menopause-aged ladies. (Or “menos” as I’m making up right here on the spot.) After some thought, I decided to go ahead with the blog form of this subject. It will allow me to be as direct as possible. Now listen up all you savage bitches!
Damn girl! You look good! How do you handle compliments? What’s your reaction when someone tells you that you look really pretty today? That your hair looks great? That you look like you’ve lost weight? Do you disagree immediately or do you smile and thank them? I know how you are answering and yeah, most of the time, me too. Receiving a compliment from someone is almost as hard as giving ourselves a compliment and meaning it.
I tend to think that as women cross the 50+ threshold, we go through a phase of feeling invisible. We don’t attract as much attention from the opposite sex. Kids see us as just mom or so-and-so’s old mom. Whereas we may have felt attractive, smart, and sexy at one point, our children beg us not to wear that and please, dear God, don’t dance like that. They can’t see us as the wise, sexual creatures that we are. And we start to adopt and believe their view of us. They don’t mean to, but society in general puts us out to pasture with the rest of the 50+ herd.
And we wouldn’t dare resist because heaven forbid you try to leave the herd. “Who does she think she is wearing those jeans, that low-cut shirt, that hairdo? She’s w-a-a-a-y too old for an ear cuff piercing – hey Bessie, get back over here with the rest of us. We’re not comfortable with you believing in yourself.” But I ask, what right do other people have in judging us based on what they think is appropriate for a certain age?
The other day while out walking the dogs I stopped to talk to a younger female neighbor of mine. Our conversation rotated from NTI and kids, to my dogs, to our work, and then she asked me, “How old are you?” I’m not ashamed of my age and exclaimed “52”. She “seemed” shocked. “52? Damn, you’re smoking hot!.” Right there in the middle of our street she told me I was smoking hot. And she didn’t mean my emerging stage of menopause. I don’t think anyone has ever described me as “smoking” or “hot”, let alone “smoking hot” so it was a real shocker.
Now, I’ve really been working hard on giving and receiving compliments. I am trying to be considerate of the benefits of both give and take. After I picked my jaw up off the ground I said, “Well, thank you! I need to run home and remind Mike. If he has a question about it, I’ll send him up.” Then she gave me a high five. I kid you not.
That little compliment has had my mind reeling now for over a week. Such an easy thing. And I don’t care whether she meant it or not because she did something I haven’t been doing enough of. I haven’t been complimenting myself. Complimenting others is very important. Accepting compliments from others is very important. But I think complimenting yourself is the most important of all. And with it, acknowledging that you – the real you – is still in there. That smoking hot girl. That high school girl that used to seriously get down to “Atomic Dog”; who sometimes attempts to teach herself to twerk, because she can, even at 52.
As women we find it so much easier to put ourselves down, downplay our attributes, or just downright disappear. Would we ever talk about someone else as poorly as we talk about ourselves? So why do we do it? Who cares if you’re carrying ten extra pounds, your body can and has done amazing things. Who cares if you didn’t get hired for that job, it’s their loss if they don’t see all of the wisdom and experience you could bring. Remember who you are. Tell yourself you are amazing. You may not believe it at first, but eventually you will.
This “compliment factor” also makes me think about all the girls and young women in our lives. As we age, they watch us on how to act and react, as a map on how to treat themselves. I would never want my daughter to learn denying or shying away from compliments from me; to push down a good feeling she may have about herself. I would hate to see her be afraid to show others who she is or to show herself love. Our girls need to love all of herself. Every single part of her is beautiful and always will be.
Rapper Megan Thee Stallion may be a little extreme or brash for you, but I absolutely love her in the way I used to love Missy Elliott back in the day. Megan just won a grammy for Best Rap Song for her song remix of “Savage” with the Queen Bee herself. In the song Megan and Beyonce deliver a 2021 anthem of femininity. The message is of body positivity and self-confidence. It encourages women to be in control of their sexuality and to not rely on others to give you power. She reminds us that we own all of our own power. Let’s just say that any song that includes the words; “Talkin’ to myself in the mirror like, bitch you my boo” gets a hardy thumbs up from me.
So I say, throw yourself a kiss and put on that push-up bra. Wear the low cut shirt. Jump to get those jeans on. And learn to twerk in your living room, cause goddess, you are smoking hot! You’re a Savage. Classy, Bougie, Ratchet. Sassy, Moody, Nasty.