Menopause, the word that I’m using as a collective for the whole physical perimenopause, menopause, and post-menopausal journey, is quite a surprise if you aren’t ready for it. Even if you think you’re ready for it, you might not be. And if you aren’t ready for it, then the fella in your life is definitely not ready for it. It can be just as surprising to him as it is to you.

Every male involved with a woman of a certain age will be faced with menopause, too. And while he might not experience all of the symptoms, he needs to know where he stands and what he can do to use that “I’ve gotta fix it” mentality. I say, do these things:

Get Menopause Educated

As you may just be learning, menopause can be a roller coaster, a slog, and painful for your better half. This person who has been able to run the house, stay on top of the kid’s activities, and take care of everyone and everything around her is suffering. Instead of standing on the sidelines with your finger up your nose, find out why. Find out what she is going through and why she is going through it.

Do research into ways you can ease that suffering. Find out about HRT and how it could help. Take it upon yourself to buy lube to make sex pleasurable. Encourage good nutrition and exercise. And most importantly, give her space when she needs it.

Be On The Lookout For The Symptoms

As they say, you can’t see the outside when you are on the inside. Many women begin to suffer from menopause symptoms and don’t realize that is what it is. They push it off as something else. They say I’m tired because of work deadlines. I’m not sleeping because I have a lot on my mind. I’m irritable because I’m so tired. She can’t see what is right in front of her face.

Luckily she has you seeing her from the outside. Once you get educated on menopause symptoms, start looking for patterns in your partner. If you think that what you are seeing is due to approaching menopause, let her know what you think, not in an accusatory way, but in a loving way. When she realizes that you may be right, she’ll begin to be aware of what is happening to her.

Support Her In Menopause

It will be hard to see someone you love suffer and go through something that you cannot control for her. But she needs your support 110%. Control the controllable. If she’s having hot flashes or night sweats, turn down the thermostat or have fans available wherever she might need one. If she starts to get short over something trivial; stop, listen, and hug her. And then go out and buy that lube.

Some women may feel “less than” at this time of life. Every man needs to make an effort to assure their partner or wife that she is loved, desirable, and special. Hopefully, you’ve been doing this all along, but in case you weren’t, I would start now.

Be Her Hero

Maybe you wish you could go through this for her. Trust me, she wishes that, too. But you can’t. She needs you to deflect for her. Head off problems before they dump on her. Help her do the things she once had no trouble doing, like multitasking. Listen to her, talk with her, work with her. If you do, you will be her hero, that knight on a white horse she envisioned when you married.

And for heaven’s sake, don’t tell her you are going through your own “manopause“. That will not go over well. Trust me.