Is it time to reconnect with this person you life with? It is so easy to get “off-course” in your relationship, or marriage as both you and your partner “grow up” through your 20s, 30s, and 40s. Suddenly you hit 50+ and you look at this other person and wonder who they are. Maybe you have been together so long, scooting through life, that it feel like you have a roommate as opposed to a lover.

You aren’t the only ones. I think most couples face some sort of empasse in midlife. The kids are gone. Retirement is on the horizon. The parents are hopefully in good enough health to not need you on a daily basis. You finally have time to rediscover and reconnect with this person you committed to so long ago. Here are six ways you can begin to do that this next year.

Reconnect By Spending Time Together

It sounds easy, but over the years perhaps you have become two ships that pass in the night. When we get used to NOT seeing our significant other, it may be hard to figure out dedicated alone time. If spending time together isn’t organic in your relationship, it is very important to schedule some time together. Even 30 minutes sitting and having a cup of coffee or meal together. Or even taking a short walk can go a long way to help you figure out each other again.

Find A Common Goal Or Dream To Reconnect

There is nothing that brings two people together more than having a common goal or dream. You should each sit down and write out a list of places you’d like to visit, house jobs you’d love to complete, new restaurants you’d like to try, a purchase you’d like to make. Compare your lists and see what items you have in common, make a combined list, and get to work on making those things happen.

Don’t Forget Communication

“Communication is Key” is my go-to phrase. It is easy to assume what the other person is thinking and what they want. But we all change through life, and what may have been true in the past may not be true anymore. Instead of just guessing, ask your partner what they like, what they prefer, what they think. It is the fastest way to cut the BS that eats up a lot of brain and worry space. And be honest when your spouse communicates with you as well. If you don’t want to go see a certain movie, don’t agree to go. Ask if there is a different movie that you can both agree on for example.

Reconnect Through Appreciation

Appreciation and affection are the fastest ways to make someone else feel special. But the longer we’ve been together, the less these things happen. Take appreciation. If your husband loads the dishwasher every night, there becomes that expectation that he will do it and we forget to be thankful when it gets done. The next time he does something to help you, acknowledge it. Once he feels appreciated, he’ll want to make sure you feel appreciated to. Love being shown through appreciation goes a long way to a good relationship.

See Yourself In Your Partner

Are you the same person you were when you got married to this person? Probably not. And guess what – neither are they. We all grow and become new and different people through the years. It is important to be aware that these changes happen and know it is up to both of you to continually learn about each other and about what is important to each of you.

Commit To Growing Together

You made a commitment at the beginning of your relationship and it may be time to make a new commitment to each other in the second half of your lives together. Talk through old disappointments and find a way to grow together to set your relationship on fire for all of your future days (and nights) together.

Most couples have a heaps of unrealized potential in their relationship, but it takes a lifetime of sharing and caring to achieve it. You could be standing on the edge of a complete breakdown of your relationship if you don’t tend to it every day. But you could also be getting ready to embark on some of the most amazing days together, so it is worth the work.

Read about the McShane Marriage Here