September 3, 2021 – The Thirtieth official Friday Night BeerBlog
Mike and I moved our freshly minted 22 year old across the country to Los Angeles where she has taken her first job out of college. Were we surprised she took a job so far away? No. Were we upset that she took a job so far away? No. Cate definitely has her eyes set on something that she feels starts in California. I don’t know if it’s because we sent Ian off to race in Europe many times or her to Boston for college, but we’ve always wanted the kids to stretch themselves and remove themselves from the parental hip.
It doesn’t mean that we won’t miss her or worry about her incessantly, but the girl gotta go. And on the night before we left her out there in that big city alone, it felt like the time to sit down and dole out our best words of advice.
While it may feel similar to attending college abroad, starting her adult life in a brand new city on the opposite side of the country is anything like what she has experienced before. And she just doesn’t know what she doesn’t know. Yet.
LA isn’t Boston. Boston isn’t Louisville. And Louisville certainly isn’t LA. Each situation and time is singular, but the thing that remains true no matter your age and whether you are in Louisville, Boston, or Los Angeles is this: Trust your gut and listen to your intuition. They are always protecting you. If they throw a warning flag, pay attention.
Being in a new city and wanting to please people – new friends, co-workers, the boss – can make you want to override your gut and intuition, but it’s important to take all of those lessons learned through life and prior relationships and put them to work in every situation.
I recently listened to another podcast that discussed how even the strongest of people can overlook and ignore their gut and intuition when they get into “people pleaser” mode. You become afraid to say no and develop a fear of missing out (FOMO) of new experiences; even if it seems risky. You find it hard to believe that there people out there that might want to do you harm. Often young people just feel invincible and decide to push too far into the danger zone.
Even Cate, who usually doesn’t allow other people to dictate what she should do, will fall prey. It’s going to happen and she will learn the hard way. Hopefully without the need for an ambulance or the police. We left with just one last wake up call reminding her there are most assuredly people out there who mean to do no good. That all risks have to be weighed. And that some people just straight up suck and that’s their issue, not yours.
In the end the message is that you are the boss of you. Only YOU know what is best for you. If it doesn’t feel right, seem right, smell right – it probably isn’t and you’ll be thanking yourself when you wake up safe and sound in your bed the next morning. Stand your ground. Know who you are and remember who really cares about you.
In two words: Be Smart.
Once that sunk in, the second words of advice were to not call home with issues that we have no way of fixing 1800 miles away. Adulting 101 requires that you attempt to fix your own problems first. When her internet went out the first day she texted me that she was bummed she couldn’t just call Mike to have him reboot the router. Then she got on the phone with Spectrum herself. Progress.
She’ll do great. And I’m trying not to hold my breath too much. But if I seem tense when you see me, you’ll know why, especially these first few weeks. But nothing a little beer won’t fix.
Best always, LLM