Special Valentine’s Episode of the FNBB

As we age, what at one time was HOT, may now be NOT. And what we thought was NOT sexy at one point in our lives, could be a real turn-on today. Like in most things, our tastes change the more years we put on. A lot of it may have to do with life experiences and wisdom, but when we as couples get to our midlife years, one thing is true. We get a sort of do-over, even with each other.

Ah, The Good Ole Teens and Twenties

Remember high school days, when the only requirements for HOT was if he had Sean Cassidy hair, looked good in jeans, and had a car – any car would do. And he absolutely paid no attention to you whatsoever. Those are the ones that would drive you crazy. If any other nice guy seemed too eager to talk to you, he had no chance. For some reason we wanted the one that treated us like crap.

Then in our twenties, it became more about did he have any money, a job, a place to live that wasn’t his mom’s house, and, ahem, was the sex good? If we found someone that fit the bill, we waited by the phone because there were no cell phones yet. And we checked the answering machine over and over to make sure we didn’t miss his call. And just that waiting built up anticipation and created a hotness that may not have existed.

Hot Or Not Gets New Meaning In Our Thirties And Forties

When and if we decided to couple or marry in our thirties or forties, hot or not took a backseat. All of “that” seemed to get put on a back burner as careers were started and kids were created and raised. Ain’t nobody got time to get hot and bothered. That just means you gotta take another shower and you’re already running late. We all just did the best we could.

“Hot” revolved around a partner who offered to cook dinner or give the kids a bath then put them to bed. It’s how he looked at his baby instead of how he looked at you that turned you on. Sliding on those jeans didn’t do it for you, put those cutoffs while mowing the grass was a different story.

What made him hot during these years was that he was well-organized and put money into a retirement account and a college 529. His financial genius was hot. You know he is in for the long-haul.

The Smoking Hot Fifties And Beyond

When the kids leave, both your role as wife and his role as husband changes. You have the same titles, but the jobs have changed. We may think we know this other person after all we’ve been through, but when the object of all of your collective focus leaves for college, you look at each other and see that other person for what seems like the first time in a very, long time. Who is that old man and when did he get here? I kid, sorta.

When we get to this age and start this new chapter, with career building and kid raising behind us, we are allowed to turn into kids ourselves again. He may not have the hair of Sean Cassidy anymore, but he doesn’t play hard to get anymore. He is here. And you realize he’s been here all along.

Redefining Your Relationship In Midlife

The truth is, you never forget what you found hot about this person when they were younger. And he hasn’t forgotten that about you. You may have just forgotten it about yourself. This time in life is when you are able to wash the blackboard clean of all your midlife expectations and start over.

Sit down and talk about what works for you now and what doesn’t. Do you like it when he holds your hand? Tell him. Experiment. And reciprocate. Make time and get to know this person again. Learn something new about him every day. As much as you want him to take care of and love you, take care of and love him.

None of us will ever be 17 or 25 or 40 again. Physical attributes that make us hot or not come and go, but when you are in love with the whole of another person, just a knowing look or a light brush of the hand across your back could be the biggest turn ons of all.

Now, go get some. And Happy Valentine’s Day.

Read further about the McShane advice for a successful(ish) marriage. And if you were hoping to read more about how to BE SEXY and seduce with confidence after 50, then here you go. I’ve got you.