December 26, 2020 – The Twenty-Fifth Blog of the RestorationAge
There are so many things I want to say in this blog and I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around it all day. It’s been floating around in segments and I just needed to sit down and blurt it all out on “paper”. At the risk of being vulnerable and laying it out there, I offer the following:
The winter solstice was on the 21st. It was the shortest day of the year, marking that we have begun the trek to longer days and warmer weather. This had been lost on me, but I saw some people on social media burning pieces of paper that had lists of things they wanted to leave behind in 2020. Why not, sounds like a nice restorative thing to do after this hellish year.
Deciding which thing to write down was difficult for me. What to leave behind in 2020? Where do I begin? I wanted to be thorough and I’m usually pretty good about tossing out the old, but this seemed pretty important because it isn’t actually throwing out an object, but a feeling, an attitude, a mindset, a limiting belief that has crawled in there and is stinking up the place. Those things tend to really take ahold, even more than we know.
Because I pondered on this question and tried to really put some thought into it, I missed the solstice, but who are we kidding, that’s more about symbolism than the act, so I have deemed it the time of cleansing until the end of the year. Why not? I make my own rules.
In the end, instead of trying to dump a lot of little things into the fire, I’ve decided to move on the biggest piece of mental furniture in the room. I know a lot of people believe in the “snowball effect” – starting small and working your way to the bigger, but I think in the end, it’s the big thing that is at the core of many of the smaller and if I deal with the big, some of the small may go away too.
My fire burning ritual is starting with just three words: “Being a victim”.
Just throwing these words into the fire isn’t a solve. I’m also making a list of how I’ve been allowing myself to be a victim and putting those things in the forefront of my thoughts so that I know that with these three words, it represents all the ways I am not going to react moving forward.
Taking the stance of being a victim is so low-vibe and easy to do. And once you are aware of what it looks like, you see it everywhere. Examples: 1. I’m not getting the work hours I want or need, so I sit around and get angry and complain. 2. Ian tries to get a COVID test appointment so he can go into work and they aren’t answering when he calls, so he assumes they are ignoring his number. 3. Cate doesn’t get an interview for a job and she takes it as being something wrong with her or her resume.
Feeling bad or upset is so much easier than feeling happy. Feeling happy requires work. It requires not taking things personally. It requires that you stop making the world about you and to think outside yourself to the world at large. Why am I not getting more hours? Well, maybe it’s because of COVID, the client’s funding his dwindled and the budget has shrunk. But I don’t have to wait for more work to come to me, I can go search for more in other places, or I can change my path altogether. Just sitting here waiting and complaining is so much easier than getting my ass moving toward anything else. Time to work.
Why aren’t they answering Ian’s call at the testing place? Well maybe because everybody and their brother is calling for a COVID test and the phone lines are just completely tied up. There are a lot of sick people out there that have actual symptoms and they need tests more than Ian. But this particular place isn’t the only one giving tests, so let’s find another. Time to work.
Why isn’t Cate getting an interview? Well, maybe because thousands of people have applied for this same job and it is taking a lot of time to filter through the applicants. But it isn’t the only job out there. Time to stop being set on that one and apply to others. It’s time to move on getting the LinkedIn profile all set with good analytics that she becomes sought after in the algorithm and searches. Time to work
It isn’t about me. It isn’t about Ian or Cate. Time to stop being the victim. We are all responsible for ourselves. You are responsible for yourself. If a door is closed, find a window. Do the work. Take it upon yourself to choose a path, to choose not to stay in the lack. Stop thinking about all the things you think you require from other people to make you happy and choose to do things that you can do to make yourself happy.
Three words. “Being a victim”. I will stop being a victim of my own mind. This is a hurdle and a major commitment moving forward. It will require a lot of focus and dedication. And there will be failures, but I will make sure to recognize it when I see it.
January is full of promises of what can and might be, but we have to let go of those things that aren’t working first to make room for new promises to ourselves. What would you rid yourself of? What is the albatross you just can’t seem to get rid of? Maybe it’s that you use excuses to procrastinate. Maybe you allow others to give you your worth. Maybe you suffer from the same thing as me.
I encourage you to sit in silence for however long it takes and think of that big thing and how affects you. Write it on a piece of paper and burn that m-fer. And if you feel yourself falling back into that old mindset, remember what it looked like as fire destroyed it and change your mindset.
I support you in your battle. I’ve got your back. Which means if you stall, I’ll shove you forward really hard. Be forewarned.
Onward to the first of the year. I’m not a big resolution person, but I am definitely a goal setter. It’s time to get to work on that.
As we move forward into 2021, if there are any subjects that you would like me to write about or anything you think it would interesting for me to discuss here or on a podcast, respond in the comments, on my instagram @lmcshane, or send to my email at email@example.com. I really want to give you all something you would be interested in moving forward.