July 16, 2021 – The Twenty-Fifth official Friday Night BeerBlog

A childhood friend of mine died last weekend. I went to school with him from the first day of grade school till the last day of high school. He was the kid that laughed a lot (mainly at his own jokes or grossness), farted in class, was in trouble all the time, gave everyone shit, and generally was hard on the outside and soft on the inside.

I didn’t see him much after high school until this last year. He and another friend had bumped into each other and started connecting and she made sure that we all had dinner to catch up this past year. I was not surprised to learn that he had lived his adult life as a successful entrepreneurial go-getter. He manifested strength, power, and money from the word “go” and had retired, only to fall into another hobby that became a huge money-maker.

Because of his nature, he took on the role of care-giver to so many; family, people who were friends, people who weren’t friends yet. He wanted everyone taken care of and went out of his way to be the strong one, the one everyone could rely on. And this was the issue.

He suffered from a strange illness that I won’t go into, but had decided to be part of some experimental science to further the research on this illness, far away from home. It had gone well and he had returned home only to be called back due to blood-work issues. He left home again in April in what felt like normal health to continue treatment. When it came to the decision for brain surgery vs medication he chose meds and they began to make him ill.

How ill, we didn’t know. What happened here is unknown. This friend who spent most of his waking hours on the phone working or chatting with friends and family fell off the radar. He wasn’t reaching out and no one could reach him.

I don’t know any particulars about the contact with doctors and the sort, but it was unusual. My girlfriend said she felt like it was his way of keeping everyone at home safe from any bad news. He was supposed to be the strong one, who took are of everyone else; so she was sure he didn’t want to alarm or bother anyone with the fact that he was suffering.

And then he died. Suddenly. Without warning. And away from home. Away from any family. Away from any friends. Alone. During the time he had been away from home, he had had a granddaughter – and he never saw her.

I am not going to put any type of blame on anyone, but I know so many men like my friend; strong, stubborn, proud, not willing to let anyone through the tough exterior. Heaven forbid he let anyone know that there are real issues going on. And now that it’s too late to do anything, we all have to live with the what-ifs and the regrets.

I offer this gentle guidance from a female perspective for all of my male friends. Please, don’t try to do it all alone. Don’t try to fix everything for everyone else and not accept anything help in return. It doesn’t make you more manly, it just sets you up to die alone. We all need people, even you. And give us a little credit; we’re stronger than you think. We would fly to your side in a nanosecond, if you just opened up to let us know what you need.

My heart goes out to my friend’s family. The road to emotional recovery will be long, but in this time we can look back at the amazing legacy left and be happy and satisfied that his was a life well-lived. Au revoir and bon voyage my friend, until we meet again.

“PFFT” Ha ha ha ha ha!

LLM

Note: I used the character Hamilton “Ham” Porter as my meme because this character reminds me so much of my friend as a young kid.

The podcast version of this week’s blog is here:

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1594894/8876862