May 20, 2022 – The Sixty-Sixth Official Friday Night BeerBlog

The term divorce weight is a real thing in my house. And it’s always funny, until it’s not. Backstory: Let’s just say that the Pickle is a little guy. He is a smidge taller than me, but he is more than a smidge slighter. Now, I’m not heavy, but definitely wouldn’t use the word slight to describe myself. Let’s just say that I’m average +.

What Is Divorce Weight?

What is divorce weight you ask? This is a term I created as Mike’s muscle mass began to diminish and my middle age weight started to settle, well, in the middle. He was getting smaller and I was getting larger. When he dipped below the 125 pound mark and I was 20 -25 pounds heavier than him, I declared that we had officially arrived at “divorce weight”. The point at which he needed to eat a sandwich and I should give him mine, too.

I’ve always said it in jest, but part of me is somewhat serious. A 10 pound spread I can deal with, but 15+ starts to really screw with how I feel about myself. I know it is totally unreasonable to use him as my weigh benchmark, but he is the person I see all day, every day and who I have always been in this with.

The Straw That Broke It

While I complain to some others about how I feel like a football player on the bike sometimes, I do exercise and ride 6 out of 7 days by choice, so I’m never super concerned about what I eat and drink. My jeans did start to get a “little” tight over the winter, but I embraced my inner Beyonce and just continued to “jump to put jeans on” as her lyrics read.

BUT – and it’s a big butt…last week, I went TJ Maxx to pass a little time and was happy to see a pair of jeans in a wash that I liked and don’t have. I decided to try them on in the size I’ve been wearing for 5 years. But as I stood in front of that full length mirror in the dressing room, there was no amount of jumping that was going to get me into those bad boys. And the sight of my whole body jumping and wobbling to get into them unsuccessfully was quite mentally jolting. I knew in that moment that something was to be done. Like immediately.

I Hear You

I hear what you are saying to me right now. You look great. (Gee Thanks!) Don’t compare yourself to Mike or anyone else. You need to love yourself just as you are. Yeah, yeah. I know. And I do. And I do the work to stay in shape physically. And I could totally use all of the excuses I have, cause there are many. I’m in the middle of menopause. I have thyroid disease and my doctor is working to balance my medication due to said menopause. We’ve been totally stressed with Mike’s mom’s illness, death and settling her estate. I’m attempting to start a new business, while continuing to work my jobby-job.

The list of excuses is so long. I could even come up with a million more, but the honest truth is that I spent all winter eating like I was afraid I wouldn’t get to eat the next day. And now I just don’t feel like myself. I do eat healthy. But I eat a lot of it. And no day is complete without something sweet at the end of it. I’m all about those rewards. And I’ve been rewarding myself for everything. I woke up today – reward. I finished editing a podcast episode – reward. I didn’t kill Mike today – reward.

All It Takes Is A Decision

So while all of my excuses and reasons for excuses will continue – it is up to me to make the decision to turn this ship around before I seriously have to ask Mike for a divorce. And I know I can lose it, because I’ve done it before. I found myself in a similar situation six or seven years ago. A little out of control. And I had to dial it back. And I lost 20 pounds over six months and got to within 5 pounds of Mike, which was a huge win.

It is a slippery slope for me because I had an eating disorder in college and those things and beliefs don’t leave you, but I’ve learned to engage all of the things I’ve learned over the years to take control, but give myself enough rope to let go a little here and there.

In The Meantime

While all of this is going on, I will be feeding Mike as much as possible – passing on all those sandwiches and sweets to him. He does like to eat as much as me, so it won’t be hard to convince him to eat more. It does suck that this is happening during the summer months. It’s no fun to go to a cookout and not be able to eat all the food. Or not be able to go to Target on Friday afternoons and buy all the good snacks for the weekend. Let’s not even discuss the cutting back of beer that is going to have to happen. Sad face.

But I got myself into this situation where all of my shorts are indecent to wear and I’m the only one that can get myself out. Is it hard to talk about this in my weekly blog and speak about it on my podcast? Hell yes. Nobody wants to talk about their weight or call attention to themselves in this way. But I need people to hold me to the fire and for you to understand why if I seem cranky. 🙂

Thanks for keeping me honest and holding my feet to the fire. And if you need that for yourself as well – let’s do it together. Come find me and let’s get serious.

Starting…..NOW.

LLM

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